How does Elder Facilitation (not just Mediation) help families?
Elder mediation has an important part to play in resolving disputes within families about parent’s later life challenges.
However, after many years of involvement in elder mediation, one factor can tend to limit the effectiveness and success rate of this recourse.
Most parties to a dispute tend to come to mediation with two problems.
First, they target one immediate and emotional issue – usually, should mum or dad move into residential aged care. This ignores the bigger picture that emerges and remains undiscussed at this transitional time in a parent’s life, for example, what about capacity, legal documents, financial demands and advice, adult children’s roles and a parent’s wishes.
Second, the parties, and sometimes the mediator, for example, are not familiar with the aged care system. How is it possible to resolve a dispute on this issue without information or knowledge about the options and implications?
So how does elder facilitation fit in?
Applying the old adage, facts tell but stories sell, here’s a story:
- A woman contacted me recently to tell me she and her brother were the Enduring Power of Attorney (EPOA) for her 95 year old aunt
- Her aunt lived alone and independently and had a recent MMSE test score of a relatively low 17/30
- She was concerned that it was perhaps time to consider what she should be doing as the EPOA especially as she’s never had to perform this role before and was a bit at sea as to what to do
- Importantly, as she had a good relationship with her brother, she was anxious to ensure she and her brother would be on the same page about what needed to be
I complimented her on her insight particularly because, as an EPOA, she didn’t just have the right to manage her aunt’s affairs, but it came with a legal responsibility to do so in the best interests of her aunt. In addition, she needed to immerse herself in her aunt’s affairs as the law did not give her the latitude of serving time as an ‘apprentice’ EPOA.
In the aunt’s circumstances, it was reasonable to assume that, as the EPOA, she would be called upon to make decisions in the very near future. It would be important to avoid doing this in crisis mode but much better to be prepared to know what to do as opposed to finding out at the 11th hour.
She was persuaded to engage my facilitation services and to meet me with her brother to address my agenda of items to give them information on the issues and what needed to be done about the issues.
Needless to say, what really convinced her was my urging to undertake the task to avoid any future dispute with her brother.
As I said above, mediation remains a valuable device to resolve disputes but facilitation is a way potentially to avoid such disputes in the first place.
